The shadow of the brain..

It's raining in bangalore. Hurrah! I sometimes think it is some sort of failure of feedback inhibition, (which is the essence of most biological proceses- the idea that makes us tire of everything, sometime), that a mallu brought up with the monsoons, still can enjoy the rain. Everytime. Even if inopportune and likely to get you sodding wet. The great rain trees dripping, the leaves an extra green, the roads washed clean, rivulets along the edges, and brilliant clean air. And intense attacks of nostalgia. Will stop here. You know what i'm talking about. At least some of you who have seen the advancing edge of the rain. :)

So, was on my way home from Jaya Nagar last night. Was a good scene, a Jaya nagar park (which are quite pretty btw) behind, a mild drizzle bathed in strong neon light on empty roads. Saw this guy on the street yelling at some biker who was going fast on rain slicked roads, presumably to avoid the impending down pour, and probably into the hands of some neuro-surgeon. But we'll forget the biker. This is about the guy on the road, the one who was yelling. I think i have seen a good cross section of emotions and expressions, but this time i jus had to stop and look at the guy's face for awhile. Such was the intensity of anger and possibly hatred that I was, to admit it, a bit scared. The man was chewing pan, had water streaming down his face and had anger dripping from the whites of his eyes.

Dynamic theorists (oversimplifying philosophers who science has never touched) will tell you that such aggression is the result of resurfacement of repressed libidinal energies probably from some conflict with your dad over your mom. Funny. How far is this from some tantric who will tell you that aggression is because of devil's energy taking over the person's mind. Well, the point was to try and understand the anger and its real reasons. Well possible explanations include difficulties in your mood control, impulsivity, substance use or being threatened (not in a dynamic sense, but in that threat produces sympathetic activation). And most of these are simpler words to explain the brain's complex functional processes which control mood, thoughts, motivations and reactions to environment. There are specific structures which are related to these, large areas working compositely and specific chemicals modulating these functions through electical activity of the brain. Parts of this is known, and more coming in.

Even with all this, apart from the hard wiring of your brain which forms the substrate for agression and other impulses, there can be a significant contribution of learning. One can learn that aggression is possible, tolerated by people around, learn that aggression relieves some of your mental turmoil and that it sometimes makes some people feel good. And all this, translating through the chemicals and ever changing network connections of the brain. Sometimes, the pattern gets so entrenched that a diagnosis of anti-social personality can be made and, in the words of a professor of mine, the jail is too good for them. Well, in fact, they're pathological more in a social sense than in biological one. They're stuck in a world where their attributes are dysfunctional, which could otherwise have been of survival value in the jungle.. Or a beaurocratic system.

Osho

Functional image of a happy brain..

A glimpse from the foot of granpa's chair..

And we're back even before the dust settles down from the last one. And this time, we will keep the disclaimers for the last, if at all, since it didn't seem to have helped last time.

When we watch all these stand up comedians do stuff on indian parents, we really laugh along don't we? Impressions of old grannies with disapproving looks, forced marriages, meddlesome aunts, screechy sisters, the patient but irrational dads. And done to death by movies for the indian english audience, the other side of the world/life. I mean, who hasn't had the compulsive urge to stab Zohra Sehgal on her face for her grandmom roles? mostly for the repetitiveness and distortion of it. Yes, even in an indian english gay movie. But in all this, deep down, somewhere there seems to be a resonance which makes us wonder about all this.

At the heart of all this is the cultural difference, and that is common knowledge. And our generation is caught in the middle of it. Like bang in the middle, tearing our pants apart types. Living a western life, in a boat tied varyingly loose to the intangible set of limits, values and emotions(not the least of which is happiness) which forms our culture. I have seen it form both ends, miserable lonely middle aged mothers, and sad lost adolescents. Well, we all have.

One way to look at this could be to go along the idea of self. one wonders, where the energies for a person extending his self (for working defnn read last blog) to his family, come from. One really has to live in a middle class indian family to see where it is coming from. By the force of habit/societal norms and i am guessing, by the lack of adequate peer/parallel interactions, the entire force of a family's emotion and energy gets invested in each other, and consequently in the unsuspecting children. My dad used to say that he used to go for walks with us, for his own selfish pleasure. half true or fully so, i don't know. Even in the absence of such insight (for which i cannot stop admiring my dad), it could very well be operative for a majority of families. The emotional investment is so large, that one cannot help prevent a diffusion of the parental self to one or more of the children. And this is where it gets more murky. The extension of self, brings with it the extension of your own aspirations, expectations and not in the least your own insecurities bang all over your child. How can it not, the child is not a child, but MY child.

The role of a parent, as in all descriptions in sociology is to raise a child to be independant and prepare him for the world. The child has a role in caring for his parents, but the child should in no way be the sole source of joy and raison d'etre for the parents. For then, life cycle doesn't go forwards, but just in circles. I imagine what it will be like to let my own child go. It won't be easy, but I will be cheating the system if I didn't.

Then again, less of a problem if we continue to live in our own cultural system. Without the exposure to an altrenate life which is more liberating, exploratory and individual centric. It is a problem for the us at the interface of this mind-self continuum.

adios,

osho

Disclaimer two rpt: it may not apply to a significant minority or even a majority of people. But i am convinced that there are a lot people who fit in. A significantly scary bite of the pie chart.

I, indian..

So, we're back with some more musings. Been quite lazy and figured the photo-blogging feature of the new-ish phone might actually help prevent RSI. Though, i'm told I am likely to have arthritis of my thumb joints from all the messaging. A good way to go, that.

disclaimer one: the following is in part the extract of a discussion i've had with a few friends off late. credits for whole or part of it goes to the unnamed souls who will recognise themselves, and who i think, would rather not be acknowledged with a name in this paragraph.

discliamer two, this is a generalization. many of you will not fit into this model. hence, consider without defensiveness.

Some general gyan was happening about some friend of mine being unable to step out from the shadow of his parents well past his adolescence. got us thinking about the idea of self in India and how it is different from the west (pertinent, for that seems to be a life a lot of us are living). Much has been written about it, but I have not read enough, and will not now, coz this will only be a passing refernce. So, basically we came to a conclusion that the Indian Self (referrring to a majority), is one which is a 'limited-diffuse' one. Diffuse in that, one does not have well defined boundaries of one's self (decisions, loci, impulses & motivations), but extends to that of one's family (big and small). Limited in that, one is really not able to allow suffusion to the outside world, and simulataneously keep one's self clear.

Moving on, what really seems more appealing is the idea of our pride. A personal one and a collective one (closely linked to that of self). the personal one is often more a defensive one. For eg: it is usually the kind of pride which will turn up at the first moment when one is threatened, but not a pride which is happy and self aware. Not the kind of self-assured-pride which would have made us say, refrain from spitting on the road, or beating wives. And again, like a lot of other behaviors, the absence of this pride, could be partly explained form the childhood socio-cultural milieu. At some stage, if you don't have enough money to feed yourself or provide happiness in life, it is diffuclt (not impossible)to have that kind of pride to not spit on the road. Again, this pride is not one which is fostered from our school system. Most schools, (less these days) focus on getting children to live in the system and grow up 'humble' without any attempt at developing a sense of person, self and achievement. Again, with a lot of exeptions. To jus stretch the point, the defensive pride, is what often makes the bad drivers on the road, get aggressive with you for their faults. the fucking rats..

The collective pride, is worse. Having had few common pegs (rising these days, thanks to some good things happening) to identify as a country and develop pride as 'indians', one is forced to try and find the collective pride in smaller and smaller divisive groups. like kannadigas ( a sensitive lot, oh man), southies(read non-choms), aiyers, gay men. Smaller and smaller existentially rocking boats with little real anchor for our pride.

A little or more is true for most of us. A little or more denial will help things stay the way they are..

Osho

From the other side of jail..

Bangalore spring..

We all bow to the cow in some form or the other..